I am breathing again

So I took a break. Haven't written in forever. Ellie died. That seems so innocent a statement in black and white. In the color of my life, it's overwhelming. When you have the same BFF from twelve on, her mother molds you. I pray Ellie molded me. I see her fingerprints in my parenting. I don't mind mess if there's laughter. I loved her. It's the saddest I've ever been at a death. Ever. And I've lost a "real" parent. Ellie was the most real. Lately I've learned of sacrifices she made to make Annabeth's and my world intact. I miss her a lot.

Big girls are in NYC & London. You live to launch these girls and then you kinda grieve. No one holds my hand in corpse pose in yoga. No one goes to a movie at the drop of a hat. It's quiet but it allows room for little girls to explore who they are in a quieter, bigger space.

The great man that has our hearts got a promotion & it has been interesting how differently some people act. But we are still those people. My friend Jamie has written a lyrical book called "I Want to Show you More". Read it. It's made me see Lookout Mountain in a different way. I kinda get the reaction now.

I am breathing again. In...out.....in....out.  Ellie is gone. Sweet Beth is in Houston. Runner Liz is in Savannah.  I couldn't catch my breath it was too much. "What defines us is not our falling but how we rise". "Fell down. Got up. Good for me".  In....out...