This is the week each summer every Stroud girl is at camp or on a church trip. It makes for the quietest house. Funny how a quiet house does not equal a quiet mind. There are several great things about this week: John Stroud & I have uninterrupted conversations, lots of take out, great wines, long yoga practices....funny how my mind is only quiet while I am at yoga. At home I replay "what if" scenarios- what if some sex trader tracks big girl in Spain or baby girl goes out too far in lake or big girl #2 & 3 sunburn....
I went home this weekend and my mom is still a mom. She did not want me to get sun because of skin cancer. Ummmmmm.....
My mind has been so cluttered since my dad's death. How long can that be my excuse??? I was headed to Starbucks today & I passed a man who was a double for my daddy. It took my breath away. Funny how it all rushes back.
I think I may go put in a movie & pour a glass....
Love you.
ReplyDeleteI think death makes us all so keenly aware of how real the world is and how dreamy we desperately wish it could be. "How long can that be my excuse?" is always my question. With my parents' death, and my aunt, people always jump to that conclusion when I have trouble in my life. I even do it sometimes. If my mind is unsettled, I blame that. And I can't help but think that sometime in my life I've got to just pick up and move on, but so much of me doesn't want to. Because of moments like that Starbucks moment. Where it's all just painfully and beautifully breaking all over again. And I love to get broken... to get restored.
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