One is silver and the other gold....

Big girl brought home two new college friends last night. They are adorable & I am thankful she continues to make great friend choices. She did usher me out of their movie party telling me I talk way too much but then also telling me she loves me. Whoa! It hit me.....she is moving on! It also got me thinking about that sappy song about old friends & new friends....

One of the friends Anna brought home last night will be her roommate next year. Her daddy was a fraternity brother of my beloved Paramore so it really got me thinking about him & Cath my college roommate.

I met Cath in my one math class at Auburn & immediately wanted to be her friend cause she was so dang cute!!! We ended up being fast friends & little sisters at the same fraternity & eventually roommates. The real deal about Cath is she is the most talented artists I personally know & when she loves you,it is a fierce,protective love. When I write everyday I sit in a chair looking directly at an etching she did of a little pony-tailed girl staring at the ocean wrapped in a towel. It may be my favorite piece I own. I can she this little girl longs to go conquer the waves one more time but is clinging to the warmth of her towel. Go? Do it? Stay warm? Stay safe? Venture on? Gosh! It is so what life is to me. Cath is physically so beautiful. God has called her to be single. Once again, God did not ask for my help. There are days when I secretly long for her life...when I am spent with the demands of little & big girls. Then there are days when someone snuggles up to you on the sofa & just stays. Here is the deal...Cath never complains, leads an incredibly full life & is the world's best aunt. She rocks....and she is my friend. I love her so bad....

I met Paramore the first day of college walking to class with our mutual friend. He had a smile that made me want sunglasses & made me laugh so hard my body quaked. We both made War Eagle Girls & Plainsmen (big deal if you did not go to Auburn). He also became student government VP. Once we made WEGP, we were together a lot. I was a complete mess by this time. I was the hamster on the wheel....who could I please,what did my parents think,what could I achieve so I could feel alright about myself. That group, and especially Paramore, became my safety net. I had never been loved and accepted by a more electic,successful,amazing group of people. Paramore walked me through some dark times & eventually we would date. We have different stories regarding the full romantic nature of this but of course, I am right. We talked on the phone or in person everyday. He quickly became my heart's friend. Months into this whatever relationship, he told me he could not see me or spend time with me anymore. My recollection is it was said in an angry tone of voice & right after a kiss. Not wasting your time with his memory because I did not drink in college. Of course he did.

My heart was broken. Much more over the fact that I would not have him in my life everyday. I missed my happy heart that he created. Weeks later..yep weeks not days....he picked me up for ice cream and told me he did not know what would ever happen with us romantically but we would be in each other's lives forever. My heart exploded....it was so overjoyed. We went on to make amazing memories together...Tina Turner...New Year's Eve...Cotton Bowl. He one time placed a "desperately seeking" ad in the AU newspaper cause I loved Madonna & we had seen her movie.I had a safe place with Paramore. He saw through me but loved me. He was the one person who ever confronted me regarding my eating disorder...through me but loved.

He would leave me at Auburn to go to his first job. He would criticize my romantic choices and keep me in check with weekly phone calls. He was in Atlanta & I missed him. The short version is we went through a bad phase were he questioned our romantic relationship. It wasn't a pretty time but he apologized & got us back on track.

Ok,so the Reader's Digest Condensed Version is I would have married him. He gave me no choice. He was so cute & made me see how stupid all my other romantic choices were, he made me laugh, he kept me safe, he made me feel loved. He knew I would have. He put some distance between us to protect me, to do the ultimate act of love. I met the love of my life and did marry him.

Here is the heart of the heart...Paramore would come out within my first year of marriage. He could have used me. I would have been a good cover wife. We would have laughed & made others laugh...we would have presented well. He knew I would have said yes...not because of some great physical,chemical,romance but because of our deep friendship & love for each other. He did the ultimate loving thing...he stepped back for a while. When I see Brokeback Mountain I weep. The first time I saw it, I called Paramore sobbing so badly he left a meeting to talk to me. The scene where Michelle Williams sees Heath Ledger with Jake Gyllenhal and knows,KNOWS undid me. It would have been my story & the one person who would have benefitted from it being my story chose to protect me.

When Paramore's truth came out, I told him he would never be out of our famiy's life. My children adore him. His partner Jonathan is the best person you could hope to know.

John & I would probably be portrayed by our media as right wing, born again Christians. We are Christians but not militant right wingers. Paramore & his friends would be portrayed as left wing promiscuous gay rights proponents. They are so not. At a party at his house years ago one of his friends said a very profound statement, "if we had a party with all your friends and all of ours we could find so much common ground". Wow. John & I made a decision early on that we would not raise homophobic kids. I am so thankful Paramore has embraced my kids & loved them well. Funny side note, Sally at eight asked John why all of Paramore's friends were so pretty. I think it is sad that our current political environment is not conducive to sitting down and finding common goals & solutions....just saying....

We did meet criticism for our no-homophobic-kids policy. One lovely fellow church member in Birmingham said it was our Christian duty to raise homophones. Seriously??? My logical response is relationship always trumps belief systems when it comes to fellow human beings. We have family members who would not attend a fellow family member's reception because champagne was served. Seriously???

Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. As cheesey as it is, the song does not say which is silver and which is gold.

My life is richer,fuller,happier....my kids's lives are also. Silver...gold.....gotta love both....